I think most of us have been ingrained with the following notion:
“Everyone should strive for success.”
Well, if success exists and if we’re able to visualize successful celebrities, then there must be people who embody the exact opposite:
The losers.
To be fair, I’ve never heard anyone call someone a ‘loser’ in real life. I think it’s more an invisible label that we put on ourselves, as a means to increase our inner shame.
But in my opinion, it’s okay to be a ‘loser’. It’s okay to lose the game of acquiring the highest level of happiness, glory, status, wealth, and whatever you want to achieve in life. Here are 3 reasons why:
#1 Not Everyone is Meant to Be Passionate
Imagine this:
It’s 5 a.m. You jump out of bed with the biggest smile on your face. Actually, you just can’t wait to start the day. You do cartwheels all the way to the kitchen, you gulp your multi-vitamin smoothie and then you run towards the nearest beach.You start dancing and singing and doing more cartwheels and literally drowning in euphoria.
Okay, that sounds very nice.
But is that really the embodiment of success? It seems so. Especially when you watch self-improvement videos, you’ll find that the general premise is: “How to stop feeling miserable.”
To stop feeling miserable, you have to…be passionate. But how? I’m not sure that everyone wants to fake it until they make it. Faking implies that you reject your real emotions. Even worse, you start to blame them for not letting you live ‘the passionate life’.
So you start searching for the one and only activity that will save you,
a.k.a. your true passion. But then, not everyone has something they feel intensely towards. We’re sold the idea that we have to devote ourselves to a cause, so that we’ll never feel frustrated, empty, or confused anymore.
If so, what about hobbies? Some people decide to write, draw, or do yoga because they think it’s fun. They don’t feel the need to make something ‘productive’ out of it. Or ‘niching down’. Or becoming an expert. To them, feeling content and growing mentally is enough.
The loser says:
I don’t get why every activity you do needs to be turned into a life purpose.
And if not having a real passion makes me a loser, so be it.
#2 Not Everyone is Meant to Be Ambitious
Would you volunteer to be a leader, or do you prefer being led?
We need people on both sides. I think it all comes down to personality. If you take the ambitious road, you’re probably going to deal with a lot of pressure.Not everyone is able to handle that. Some will realize it and just give up.
But sometimes, giving up is just as hard (if not more) than pretending you’re fine with your profession. Especially when you’ve studied so many years, and you’re expected to become an accomplished worker.
“It would be shameful and stupid to aim lower”, says the inner voice.
Is that really true? Some are fine with working a ‘mundane’ but less nerve-racking job. Some don’t mind climbing the corporate ladder. Others don’t even see their career as a top priority.
Moreover, we all experience ambition in different ways: Maybe you’re aiming for success, but you’d rather go at a slower pace. Maybe you value excellent work and mastery, but you don’t care much about competition.
The loser says:
I don’t get why I should force myself to be a highly driven individual.
And if not having much desire makes me a loser, so be it.
#3 Not Everyone Is Meant to Be Special
Special means you’re different from others. Popular media would like us to believe everyone is special, but some are more special than others.
If you’re the hero, the entire movie plot revolves around you. If you have thousands of followers, then you must be someone compared to that user who only has five. To differentiate yourself from others, you could strive to be the best:
The best at school.
The best at wearing clothes.
The best at making people laugh.
The best at showing kindness.
The best at being quirky.
The best at not making a fool of yourself.
Or, another option is to be the worst at anything. At least you’ll create buzz. Because the epitome of the ‘loser’ label is to feel non-existent. I think that’s why we often associate success with revenge. It’s a way of proving to others they were so wrong in the way they perceived us.
But what’s really happening is this:
Hello, it’s me. I’m the voice in your head. And wow, you really surprised me there. You became ‘successful’. You’re not ‘average’ or ‘boring’ despite all the criticism I’ve made you endure. Um…Now I have no choice but to leave you alone…at least for a while…
At last, you changed your own opinion about yourself!
But here’s the issue: Once you reach success, you have more chances to be admired. You feel secure because you think you’re loved. That’s cool. But suppose you fail in the future. Your next book, article, song, or business decision becomes a flop. Then…you aren’t so admired anymore. Would you be able to handle such a black-and-white vision of love?
The loser says:
I don’t get why I have to be special in order to be lovable.
And if not being praised and talked about makes me a loser, so be it.
If you peer into the ‘loser’ label, you’ll find that Losers are losing something, but what exactly? Status? Validation? Abundance? Maybe.
But I think what they’re really losing, after all, is something much bigger:
Oh, wait. Maybe I don’t need to win the game.
I can go with the flow. I can be normal. I can figure it out slowly, and I can finally let go of the pressure to make something out of myself.
What if I don’t need to feel intense joy in what I do?
What if I am able to have satisfaction towards smaller things?
What if I was always special, and I just didn’t need to prove it?
We might be losing the expectation of what success should look like.
And if that makes us feel content, so be it.
Thank you for reading! ✿
+ Special thanks to The Taoist Online publication and main editor Patrick Stewart.